Resolutions for the Lazy

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It’s January 7, have you stayed true to your New Year’s resolutions? Generally speaking, my resolutions typically have the endurance of Justin Bieber at a spelling bee. So this year I’ve changed the game with healthy commitments so dummy proof my neighbor’s dog could do it, but more importantly, so could you.

Resolution #1: Supplements for healthy skin and hair

As each new medical study trumpets the null, or worse yet negative, impact of vitamin supplements, I feel more and more like the last kid in school to believe in Santa Claus. I’m not ready to give up my daily multivitamin (Trader Joe’s Women’s Once Daily) that I know protects me from the traveling chambers of sickness on Metrorail. In fact, I want to add more.

This year I want to explore how additional supplements can elevate my skin and hair. First there’s cod liver oil, whose users are so devout that I’m already armed and ready to kneel at the altar of this marine organ goodness. The oil is loaded with retinol, a derivative of vitamin A that clears blemishes and repairs skin. I’m giving Carlson’s lemony liquid formula a whirl.

Another supplement with a herd of devotees is Viviscal. The hair growth tablet claims to nourish and promote healthy hair growth in as little as four weeks. As I begin the Viviscal regimen, I’ll be sure to update you on my progress.

Resolution #2 Get fit without working the treadmill

I treat exercise like most people treat their dining room: all but forgotten until the week before a big celebration. This year I’ve landed on the entirely novel resolution to become more fit. For me, this means yoga, because just about any other form of exercise makes me want to throw sharp objects.

When I’m not acting like a turtle with an attitude, yoga tones, tightens, and sculpts my entire body. It’s energizing and relaxing at the same time, which is the exact level of confusion I need in my workout to stave off boredom. I’ll let you know about my yoga experiences in future posts.

Resolution #3 Banish rough lips

There are only two requirements for great-looking lips: moisturizer plus exfoliation and I can’t even manage that. I really skimp on exfoliating my lips, which means there’s been a time or two or twenty when my lips were rough and probably visually offensive.

This year I’m leaving my bad habits behind and praying that my lips will no longer resemble chipped paint. I’ll exfoliate three times a week with grainy solutions like Fresh’s Sugar Lip Polish, Lush’s Popcorn, or a homemade concoction of sugar and honey. I resolve to resurrect the Whitney Houston mantra that crack is whack (particularly when it comes to lips).

Resolution #4 Stop my hands from aging in dog years

Like other well-adjusted members of society, I wash my hands often, most notably after a bathroom break. I have an army of lotions, potions, and creams to replenish moisture to my hands throughout the day, but none contain SPF, which is terrible because my hands are always exposed to the sun.

2014 will be different and I’m coating my lady fingers with the good stuff. I’m pretty picky with my moisturizing favorites, so I’ll add some sunscreen to my most beloved hand creams. Speaking of hand creams, it doesn’t get much better than Neutrogena’s Norwegian Formula, Gold Bond’s Intensive Healing Hand Cream, Aveeno Skin Relief, and STEAMCREAM (which is packaged in adorable tins).

So are you ready to keep these resolutions with me? Let’s go!

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3 comments on “Resolutions for the Lazy

  1. Adrienne says:

    What a great hilarious and useful post. I love it. I could stand to get on board with all of these, especially the bit about my hands aging in dog years. That is the PERFECT analogy. I probably wash my hands 3x the amount that normal functioning adults do because I have two potty training kids. So the damage to my skin is probably just a little less than a full-time professional dishwasher.

    The cracked lips too, doesn’t winter remind us what we’re not doing enough of?

    Last year I resolved to go ahead and not work out if I didn’t feel like it. And then a friend introduced me to barre classes. I actually want to go to these things about once or twice a week so that’s what I do. Have you tried them? It might be perfect for you, it’s yoga, pilates, and some other resistance moves and it’s more fast paced than yoga. The instructors usually pick great playlists too for each class, but don’t worry, no cardio.

    Thanks for the post, good luck to everyone.

    • admin says:

      Thanks Adrienne! I’ve never taken a barre class but I’m itching to go. I know there are a bunch of studios in the DC area so I’ll take a look! Good luck with your resolutions as well!

  2. Portia says:

    This is great! Can you write about some tips for keeping our faces safe with this dry, cold, and turrible weather? The dry lips tips in this post are good – something for the entire face would be awesome.